Reflecting on Jersey’s Departure
My greatest loss is, somehow, simultaneously my greatest gift.
It has officially been a week since we parted ways and started investigating the stories Jersey spent his life writing for us…
I felt this picture to be particularly perfect because for me it was always about him, even in his passing. From the moment I met him that day on the track, I knew he was special. Little did I know, the plan he had in store for not just me, but for every person he’d meet.
His last day was a chilly one- quiet, still and with the most beautiful blue sky. When it came time, I firmly believed he knew everything would be alright even as I fell to my knees with him when he could no longer stand. I watched him take one last large exhale and seemingly out of nowhere, a gust of wind broke the warmth of the sun as it hit my back and blew through my hair. In that moment, I knew he had left us and knew he was finally free of the body that was failing him. Unfortunately in the days following, I would learn his limitations and pain were worlds away from what the vets and I had ever assumed.
In short, Jersey unfolded a slew of issues throughout his body. We started with his organs which painted a picture of chronic pain that likely lasted the majority of his short life. Then, the body- areas of scar tissue, lesions in joints and fractures in bones were unveiled in areas we never knew or suspected to have had any injury.
We will learn more about his bones and spine with time as they are composted. The bones that were revealed however, showed us a story of malformation and the body doing the absolute best it could to try and compensate. I will expand more on all of this one day, but for now I can’t seem to crack open my notes and face the music. Just as Jersey wrote these stories for us, I will sit down and write his full story one day… just not today.
As broken as he was internally, this horse tried his heart out for me. And even as we sifted through the issues in his body, he showed us signs that he was trying to heal– what my trainer and I were trying was helping– never to the extent where he would live a long healthy life but enough to know we did everything right by him. Never once did Jersey move with any ounce of malice or unkindness. I had a trainer once tell me that I needed to find a horse with “heart and half a brain”. Jersey had just that, the most beautiful and kind heart- okay, maybe a bit more than half a brain too.
I cannot express how deeply proud I am of this horse. His confidence, kindness and the story he shared with us will make the most profound impact. I am so deeply pained by what he experienced in his short time and furious about ways in which our industry operates.
There is not a day that will go by that I won’t think of Jersey. And not a single day where I don’t think of the “Dream Team” of my equine heroes that made this dissection and learning opportunity possible. They always say not to meet your heroes because you’ll be disappointed… but frankly, that’s BS. These women were not only incredibly empowering, they were so deeply rooted in science and sharing the facts so we can make a larger impact in our industry. I am committed to finding a way to grow up to be just like every single one of them
The Ultimate Dream Team from the weekend:
Dr. Sharon- Our translator who facilitated the entire conversation between our learning and Jersey. I know in writing I will fall short in how to express my sincere gratitude. Not only is Dr. Sharon one of the most amazing researchers I’ve ever met, she performed this dissection with such grace, kindness and empathy that it truly made it so much easier to put my emotions aside and learn. Obviously, there were some tough moments, but she navigated all of the findings effortlessly and helped us understand what we could do to help horses avoid or heal from similar problems. She is the epitome of what we all should strive for in how we care for horses. (Not to mention, she has fabulous taste in chocolate).
Pam- You’ve been with me from the beginning of this journey and your unwavering kindness has meant the world to me. You’ve taken so much time of your day to educate and support me. I am so incredibly grateful that you were able to make all of this happen for Jersey so he could share his story and we could all learn so much more. I can't wait to see what Jersey's cervical vertebrae tell you down the road.
Diane- The explorer. Your unwavering bright and bubbly energy brought a lightness to this adventure that was the most perfect breath of fresh air. I cannot thank you enough for your careful and kind undoing of my boy. I knew dissection would be tough but watching you work in the quiet times during breaks brought me a new appreciation for your work.
Kayla- Your property was the most incredible venue. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for providing the space for all of this and your kindness and love through the whole thing. Just when I thought I would have a quiet moment to cry alone, you were there to help put me back together.
Sandy- Thank you for being my sounding board and someone I could just stand with when things got extra tough. It brings a smile to my face just thinking of how Jersey showed up for you and shared who he was with you. I love knowing that even in his passing, he was still his silly, goofy and loud self. Thank you for everything- and I’ll be in touch regarding my cranio-sacral learnings if you have time.
Beth- I am so grateful for all your kindness and help through this process. We definitely missed you on the last day but I am so glad to have met you and so thankful you were there to support us through the process.
Heather- part of my personal dream team- the one who made it possible for us to get up there. You’ve been with Jersey and I since day one. Our friendship has blossomed in the most beautiful way and how lucky am I to have a best friend who is just as devoted to the highest levels of equine care as I wish to be. I know this was never the way you wanted to meet him, but I am so glad him and Garnet are now conspiring to help light the fire you and I have always talked about. Cheers to you, I am so proud of you and so lucky to call you my friend.
- Katie
